full-fledged.

full-fledged.

"u have lotsa admirers. but only weirdos got the guts haha"

.

.

"cos they got nth t lose what"

.

.

"already weird"

.

.

"so make thebest of it lah"

- NURUL IMAN

well, i just got reminded why sometimes i cant help but HAVE to talk to her when i see her online, even if she has her "busy" or "away" signs put up (to keep stalkers away). sorry eh, love. i CANT resist bothering you.




so, most icas are done. macro sucked but access was better comparatively, but still bad.

i think i need to escape to cosy, cosy max brenner at the esplanade after going through the "esplanade story" tunnel.

sit there daydreaming and looking at the pretty boxes they have and take in the peace dosed with a tad of cocoa bean's fragrance.

then maybe lepak in the lovely library.

all alone. i dont mind a selective few tagging along, but just the "them" i choose.





well, well. i want to cut class tomorrow. but who to hang out with? man, my social circle. or am i too picky? i cant help it if i have a mingle problem. this is why i am such a goody with 100% attendance; i havent got friends to havoc with.





sleep beckons. bye.

ta-ta.

xoxo.

sunday sunday.

sunday sunday.

my sunday was kind of boring cause i was "working" since 8 in the morning. and after, i didnt see what i expect to see. so blah. well, at least i was in my new white shirt dress with black stockings that had roses on them. mummy's concert went super well, but i hated my voice. squeaky!

picturesss! courtesy of my bro. he came up with those weird poses.

see! there are roses on the stockings!

then, i attended a concert on behalf of my lazy mummy of a music teacher. haha. her best friend slash high-tea and shopping buddy also skipped it, so i was with her daughter.

nothing much to mention. we didnt see the hot and talented guys we were expecting. i cant believe we fell for our mothers' trick. they used guys as bait to send us into a boring, boring event. LIARS. well, at least we had a nice high-tea afterwards. i am not gonna talk about the concert.

curses to those who took jo's lappie. and i am sleepy cause i havent slept well for days and days. busy school. busy head. busy mind. i need rest sooon. bye!

ta-ta.

xoxo.

hoodie hotness!

hoodie hotness!




i was bored. and thus went about surfing the net for hoodies. i am pretty bummed that i cant find gorgeous hoodies here while the net showcased various types of designs.

these are found at this american website, karma loop or something.
apparently they sell an assortment of branded apparel like paul frank, stussy etc.

displayed below are just my top three. there are tons more.

i love this one. the most.

very cute eh, the sheep!

i like the length of this one. covering the thighs.

and then, i went to see Victoria's Secret. and i vow to earn big bucks so i can buy clothes and lingerie from them. haha.

this smocked one was hot.

so. i kind of figured out what i want. basically. i want a front-zipper tunic (so it reaches and covers the thighs) hoodie, with deep slash pockets (so i can put stuff and my hands in. kangaroo pockets are so impractical).

i am finding ways to get hoodies overseas. the ones they have here are unusually ah beng slash lian - ish. ah bengs and lians dont slash shouldnt even wear hoodies. tsk.

i am glad i have friends studying abroad. hahaa. but alas, no one's in USA. whyyyy!

ta-ta.

xoxo.

oh cant i sleep forever.

oh cant i sleep forever.



i am freakishly irritated for i cant get some decent sleep after slogging it all out for my marketing report. it was, in my own opinion, the best i could have ever conjured up in the wee morning till 4 am and having not enough sleep the past few days, so i am pretty satisfied with the final essay (after much edits over again and again.). i was almost teary when it was time to hand that baby up; couldnt let go! then again, my sanity level is dropping by the second, so you prolly dont have to pay careful attention to my daily looney declarations uh.



i am the english emcee again for mummy's kindergarten annual concert this sunday. talk about lack of mental preparation. there might be a rehearsal with the chinese emcee tomorrow and i am just hopping it's not in the mornings. chinese emcee's a daughter of one of the teachers. i sometimes dislike meeting people of the same gender, cause i find women very threatening. but heck, i dont plan to make friends.


cause i have accepted my deficiency in mingling with new people. the way i somehow got all my enthusiasm sucked out of me thus leading me to be unable to perform as spunky as i am around people i am comfy with, just puzzles me. it's worse if the other person doesnt seem interested and thus not ask questions which can propel me to have interest. the silence. tsk tsk unbearable. i need new friends and more, but i just cant help being boring when i meet new people randomly.

problematic.

ngjunyou just told me his schoolmates saw justin timberlake at the club they usually go to. and he was real hot, but almost alcoholic. man. i wanna club with JT! who cares if he's drunk or on coke! man i want to club, period. someone let me out of my cage! you hear me? we are gonna have loads of quality dinner time and clubbing when you get your ass back here, my only few friends in msia!





ah well. i do hope to have fun at the kiddy concert and take some pictures. will be in my new white shirt dress with this silk sash to be ribbon-ed around the collar. sounds tacky, but it's pretty nice. bye!







ta-ta.

xoxo.

it's bangkok-kok!

it's bangkok-kok!



school has been busy lately and i mean REAL busy. so many projs and icas coming up that i cant get to sleep thinking that datelines're here and there.


i cant wait for term break to come. oh wait, scratch that. i cant wait for semester break to come and there will be abso-no repeating of modules and zero-zilch sub-papers to take and i got a fantastically satisfying (i am aiming pretty low.) gpa and everything's all planned out and BANGKOK awaits us like a young bride anticipates her man's return, for SHOPPING slash NO-ADULT-SUPERVISION-ish FREEDOM beckons us like flowers call out to bees.


i cant believe mummy gave the green light for me to go (how great is she! she bought me dresses and boots and now sponsors my trip!), but i aint complaining. afterall, by march, i would have been 18 for 2 months. and puh-lease, i am responsible. she thinks i am uptight even. hahaha! i just so cant wait! but i do hope everybod in the "clique" manages to convince their parents cause i imagined it to be an everybody thing!



well, i think i am gonna do my marketing proj now and also, read my book and watch some movies. sleep early also. before that, i got a joke! okay, only helmi laughed at it while the rest laughed at me laughing (rolls eyes.), but i thought it was funnnyyy!

so, peipei was telling za and i that in bangkok, they sell very cheap but nice and sexy lingerie.

and za asked, "really? is it branded?"

and peipei said, "what do you think?"

and i said, "of course! brand bangkok-kok!"

. . .

suddenly, it doesnt sound so funny after i typed it out. but at that moment, i was really cracking up! like 2 storeys up, all the way to the library! even while doing our proj, i was still laughing after telling anybody who didnt hear it the first, second, third (insert number of times) times.

okay. all those work spoiled my brain, didnt it? bye!

ta-ta.

xoxo.

love-hate.

love-hate.

-

"I had rather be a toad, and live upon the vapor of a dungeon than keep a corner in the thing I love for others uses."

- William Shakespeare

-

i dont know what's going on inside and with me anymore. somehow, i have changed. to be more conscious, less confident, more needy, less independent. i hate that about myself. it not only makes me paranoid, jealousy also tend to creep into my body, feeding on my brain, guts, heart.



i remember when i used to be ugly. like really.

proof :

primary 5.

not that i am very pleasant to the eyes now, but i think there's at least some improvements here and there. back to my point, when i was oblivious to the fact that i was seriously obese and fugly, i was happy. i think it was cause i was unaware or maybe it was cause people were nice and didnt point it out to me.


nowadays, people are much more horrible and critical. maybe it's all these machines that rob them of their humanity; androids. whatever it is, i rather not comment. cause i know i have blame on my part. i care too much of my appearance these few years. my character may be flawed and i am a mean bitter bitch. at least i am not inconsiderate and insensitive of other's feelings.

anyways, in the moment of depression, disappointment and angst with myself and the world, i was drowning myself in red wine (dont tell my mum) and some true talent. vitas.

vitas' opera #2, live.

opera #2, original video.

do youtube him. he's amazing. i love his psychotic eyes. maybe i do have a thing for weirdos.

ta-ta.

xoxo.

why is my heart out for all to stab?
who's there to care and catch?
lost.

boys, contours and damned uncertainties.

boys, contours and damned uncertainties.



with this somewhat awesome title in mind, i had to say something. i dont know, lately the blog has been rather quiet (peeks over to tagboard) and it's making me urgh (cause i need attention remember?) but i'm keeping my purpose in centre and blocking out all distractions that will divert me away from it. zen-ish eh! hahaha. i am high. on depression brought by low self-esteem. ah, teen angst.

today was just about the most activity-filled freshies' weds ever. lunch with binny, liz and niss. BEOWULF (didnt know it was animated but i guess it was okay. naked jolie made it sexy-gold.) with nur, liz, niss and dk.


i think i am gonna be a major fill.in.the.blanks.with.anything.negative for saying this but it's innermost thoughts, so here goes : i get pretty insecure slash jealous hanging out hot people like them.


we all remember the "origins" of our friendship? freshies' pageant? though nissSTAR isnt from it, but she's hothothot still, so sama-sama. and okay, honest honest, though i may be pretty confident and all sometimes, mostly, i get intimidated by slash envious of the attention slash worshipping aka lusty stares (i know. but it does wonders to one's ego still. you have to admit.) these hot ones get! it's like two different worlds and slash or the greener pasture and slash or brighter moon; you dont get there without the innate attributes. and i. havent. got. them.


yah, here it goes again. and strangely i am sick of it myself. then again, the mood strikes and the insecurities beckons and all these restrictions bother you and blah blah. i know my problem; my sudden changes of mind and "personality". i am usually okay with my skin but suddenly, i get haywired and everything's the opposite.

why? i dont know.

love-attention-and-worshipping deprived, most prolly.

i just hate that i am always circling around the same old people, same old places, same old events.

i need to have fun and color and adventure. and being stuck in a tutorial room having accounts jammed into my head isnt exactly the experience of the lifetime i am looking for.


i am hungry and greedy.
this alter scares even myself sometimes.

ta-ta.

xoxo.

hormones are a bitch thing.

hormones are a bitch thing.



i am guessing it was pre-menstrual hormonal imbalances (sorry if guys are reading this. haha.) that caused the peeling and all that shit. cause it has been three days into my period (oh and i had to tell everybody that eh. haha.) and my face is gradually getting better! mummy says i am like a snake and it was just time to change that old skin. funnny.


but i dont think i can put on make up tomorrow, and i am not particularly happy with it, but hey, i want my face to recover more. also, i was wondering if this is gonna happen every november. this has totally got me drowning myself with fluids and fruits and vegetables. but mummy predict the routine wont go long; i will be forgetting all about healthy living once my face is back to normal. we'll see!





anyways, i went to the hospital today to visit my great grandma who was hospitalised to get some pacemaker installed into her heart. she's totally okay, and was complaining about how bored she was and also saying how hot her doctor is and i should meet him. it's funny how she chose to stay in the ward with more people, but she said it's livelier this way and then she goes on to tell her "neighbour" about her granddaughter/my mummy and me and stuff.


honestly, i dont like hospitals or funerals and all that stuff. there's something poignant about them (duh.) and it reminds me of stuff. okay, scratch that! moving on!


i met a hot guy! hahaha. yah, bimbotic and boy-crazed but boys get my mind off things. and you know you want to hear about it! haha. i am gonna say it anyways, cause i need to remember this. i cant believe a hot guy will talk to a girl with skin condition. hahahahaaa. cause technically, i do have skin problems now.


evidence :

see my chin! not so obvious here but it's ewwww. i was preventing the peeling corners of my eyes from the sun.

but love the necklace eh, mummy got it for me! she got me the DKNY green apple perfume too (cause everybody uses the red.) and i can still smell the spritz from this morning! goodieee!



anyways. the drama serial scenario-like meeting.

leaving my mum and grandma to chit-chat with great grandma and the other grandaunties, i went to get candy (they have the candy machine with m&m's and mars bars etc!) cause i have been eyeing the machine since i walked by it! so i was buying almost everything, and this little boy came to queue. well, well. who knows. he has a really hot older brother.

okay, so i admit to the hypocrisy nature of my following actions, but you know, boycrazed what. i offered the little boy (who was so cute and i think he'll be hot when he grows up.) some of my candy cause it's alittle embarrassing that i bought alittle too much and i didnt had my brothers there to show that i am a loving sister who buys candy for her brothers. and things flow; i was chatting with the hot brother (name's dean!) while dylan helps himself to m&m's and stuff, until it was time to go. happy happy eh!

well, i got to go! byeee! dont stare at my ugly face in school tomorrow please!

ta-ta.

xoxo.

all braced up. ice!

all braced up. ice!



i am bored being cooped at home. but due to the m*therfucking son of a b*tch of devil-personified skin allergies, i am not in the any mood to run about having fun where people can see me.


i have a serious public humiliation slash self-consciousness slash paranoia problem, i admit. my mum had to wrenched me from the door to get me to the dentist this morning. i had the lower part of the metals done (finally!) and now, i have officially been braced. let's roll to two years later so they can be taken off! pardon the mtv's "pimp my ride" aftermath.




anyways, i was watching channel V late last night, [so much better cause mtv has taken up a new fascination for sweaty people playing games to win prizes, cutting up people to make them look like famous faces aka britney, pamela (anderson!!) etc, old re-runs of pimping, re-re-runs of sweet 16 parties which never happened for me, lousy music by akon ("i wanna f*ck you". pfft. sure. so romantic.).] and there was this program which specially showcases indie artists from wherever.


last night was this guy from hong kong, and he sings the most beautiful songs, all written by himself. real name's jonathan wu (or something), but he names his one-man show CLEMENTINE IS MY SUNSHINE. i particularly like his songs, "Sweater" (but it's not on the website nor youtube nor whatever. i heard it on the show.) and "Winds of Change". i think i might want to buy his albums (two released so far, third one coming up.).


press HERE to check out the dorky but cute, seventeen-year-old dude, who opened for avril lavigne in her hong kong tour concert, plays the harmonica and guitar at the same time. and when you press the AMP TV on top of the webpage, you can see him perform live.
(zam! i saw monofone at the seen&heard part.) go groupie tyng!




well. pray for my recovery. i hate my sensitive skin, and i dont like the first phase of braces. facebook is so loaded with stuff to do, applications to add! busy busy! bye!





ta-ta.

xoxo.

happy deepavali!

happy deepavali!



to all my indian friends! i love those vibrant colors and pretty lights!

-

to liz.

lizzie wizzie!

you're one of the bestest things (a rank wayy ahead icecream/clothes/shopping for me and i think volleyball for a fan and player like you.), so dont ever doubt yourself just because some weirdos cant handle your hotness and thus decide to condemn you or whatever.

they are insecure and silly and pathetic, and it's cause they havent got a life that they have to resort to the criticism of others (who are obviously of a higher league than they ever will be.) to spark some little highlight in the dim and lowly days of their lives.

there will always be good and bad in the world, so just remember that there are evidently way more people who love you than those who dont. fact : it's a ratio of millions to 1.

chins up! will be there for you, no matter!

-

oh well, i am seriously fretting the condition of my skin. it's blotchy and itchy, peeling like an idontknowwhat. i cant stand the fugly-ness and i still have stupid giro stuff to handle.

my bank account got terminated due to the lack of transactions over a long period of time, and now that i have a new bank account, i need to re-apply giros and all that nonsense. i dont even know how to get and why i should have giro, but since i had it last time, i guess i should have it too? i know, stupid theory. but i like status quo sometimes, and many incidents have proven that no change is good (except this incident that my account being status quo has got itself terminated.). so, i need to get to school and ask for help. yes, despite the ugly face. why me!


i need to be happier and less stressed. but the problem is i dont know my roots of stress. must be the coming flooding projects or whatevers. uptight much? plus the constant looks in the mirror and wonders of "what is happeningggggggg to meeeeee!!!!"s are somewhat not helping. i think maybe i need a bubble bath with the aromatic lamp burning. laters!





ta-ta.

xoxo.

my skin measures stress level.

my skin measures stress level.



i dont know why but my mummy and/or God gave me this "gift". but it sure is helpful eh (rolls eyes.).

let's first recap : o' levels, and by the last paper (history), my face has broken out into this whole messed up peeling bonanza. it was like i am a snake and i was changing skin or something. it's so fucked up and itchy and painful and tight, i was damn irritated and pissed off. but after, my new skin was pretty smooth. hah.

and recently, this horrid thing has come back. thankfully it was only at the chin area and i am medicating it to stop it from spreading and/or try to get rid of it. i dont understand, i dont think i am stress so why is it coming back?

perhaps it's the lousy weather and stuff, but i think i definitely have to build my immune and whatever system up, cause i am weakly. i get sick at the slightest terror of the weather; right now, it's the peeling and flu and some pimples. but it's affecting my life! i admit that i am a self-conscious bitch and when my already-not-so-good complexion gets like this, i just want to curl in the quilts till it gets better. and makeup doesnt help either but it makes it worse in fact, so i cant conceal it up.


so poor deepavali hols are wasted for i have to rest my skin and hope it gets better soon so i can make it up to people aka marcus.


i've got nothing interesting cause i cant take pictures of my new clothes with the ugly face. have to drink more fluids and rest now. till later!








ta-ta.

xoxo.

red nails blues.

red nails blues.



i was going to blog about how i think i am completely talent-less. but i decided otherwise cause even though i am crazily obsessed with have taken a tiny-whiny little fancy for HOT (er hm. must be HOT.) emo-like long-hair guys in skinnies and girl's tee shirt but with a great macho bod underneath, i am enough emo for today (listened to 'boston' while painting my nails messily red.).



some freewriting (you know the thing when you write non-stop to get things out of your guts subconsciously?) :

one) i didnt hug nur before the weekends set in on fri after macro lect. i didnt see her around at all.


two) i brought the wrong notes to macro cause i assumed we were having marketing. at least they started with the same letter of the alphabet.


three) writing class is so boring i thought i never want to write again. and that's major impact cause everybody knows how i love to scribble little nothings.


four) i reckon my blog might actually be dead cause the tagboard moves so slow it isnt moving at all. rest in peace?


five) i hate to admit but i think i need a boyfriend of my dreams. i am not desperate; it's just that friends who kick you to the curb change so much after they got a relationship piss me off and i want to be in love and beget the fuck they do to people (to them only, of course).


six) inside, i am both VERY happy and withered at how things have gone back to how i want them, in retrospect (i like the ring of this word, but i dont think it's appropriate to use it here.) to youknowwho's thingy.


seven) i love my dog, baby, VERY MUCH! we sat outside at the porch today after his bath. he is so excited all the time, it's almost neurotic. but i love how he lies sniffing my feet. hahahhaha.


eight) recently my mind is all filled up with fantasies about my birthday and the presents. i think i might be really disappointed once the day hits though. it's usually that way.


nine) i love it when i get things i want but dont need. it makes me feel exceptionally blessed. yah. yah. greedy, ungrateful blah.


ten) i am enjoying this non-stop typing cause the tapping of the keys are strangely zen-ish hypnotic and i am proud i cant type fast without messing my nails and of course, i need to get all these somewhat whatthefuck thoughts out of my head so i can store more stuff.


eleven) HOT guy i see around malaysia customs, the one who drives.


twelve) youknowwho!


thirteen) i want all other things to zoom pass and stop at my birthday. eighteenth!


fourteen) i want loads of money to fall from the sky so i can have a blasting 18th with my friends and family!


fifteen) i am damn bad at social skills. no wonder i dont usually have much close friends. please dont stereotype loud people, they just want to attract more attention so they'll have more friends cause they havent got much.


sixteen) i wish to get all dressed up and attend parties that are of an extraordinary breathtaking league.


seventeen) i think sometimes i get alittle neurotic when i think of all the fun i am missing out on cause my mum wouldnt let me randomly stay overnights in spore nor club nor stay out late in spore. i mean, my life is there. seriously. i might even wish i am a guy sometimes.


eighteen) i hate it when i have to resort to ims to talk to my best friends.






well, you all go read zaa's and peipei's blogs for details on geylang. i havent got pictures and i am lazy. plus, all i got to say is "ban li" (means half of a whole - direct translation.) and i love double deckers! hahaha.

ta-ta.

xoxo.