funny, cause i have always known myself to be one who's rational and opinionated. but lately, my life events have been decked out in areas one greyer than the other. you know how i always tell people i havent got a favourite color cause it all depends on my mood? i am just indecisive, always weighing out opportunity costs here and there to pick one.
not exactly wishy-washy, but my considerations are too well-rounded and in the end, i cant put my finger on one choice. cause i know i will regret, and i never did intend to step out thereafter. maybe i am not as crash and burn as i am anymore.
well, it's all going to be back to the divided. cause i cannot handle grey areas as well as i thought i could and wanted to. emotionally draining to care about so many aspects of the grey area and my emotions always betray my intentions.
before i am nineteen, i shall deck all my mess in black or white. now, that's one hell of a new year resolution.
Merry Christmas everyone. well, my hair smells like cranberry shortbread and strawberry shampoo and i was highly entertained by the rhyming script of The Grinch and the cheesy happy ending of The Family Stone. i am home alone like that those little boys in those Home Alone movies cause my mum's out and my brothers went to church. that was my eve this year, ugh.
no i am not mopey. i just wanted to party but killer traffic spoils everythingggg.
i suppose Christmas pressies came early for me. boo. foxy cleopetra is officially dead. the blue screen kept coming up even after i restart as instructed. and well, it just remains at the bloody blue Stop page and nothing happens. let's just hope i dont need to go through the ordeal of waiting for it to be repaired and can proceed straight to getting a Mac. doubtful, but i am dreaming. ahh, my music!
well, my second batch of shortbread was awesome. no pictures cause i am stuck with this lousy desktop which restarts after every minute! so if you're dear to me, maybe you'll get a heart or two, depending on how many i can make.
i am back from KL. boo. despite the killer traffic jams, how i wish i can stay there forever. visited just the Mid Valley Megamall and Sunway Pyramid (both which i have been before), and missed the Pavilion again! but i'll be back! this time, drive and not the coach. i cannot travel light, and after the shopping, i am lugging a mammoth around.
pictures are scarce,
on the coach on the way there. large space and light luggage, relaxed
this is very cool. disco bowling. i want to try the next time i am at Mid Valley.
they remind me of HB Hearts. haha
watched Australia! super awesomeeeee. Hugh Jackman is Hot!
my favourite stores on this trip was People's at Mid Valley and Kitschen at Sunway.
trying on clothes,
two of the many dresses i bought.
one of the men's cardi.
yay! shopping shopping makes me jump up and down. i have bought accessories and dresses and tees and men's cardigans. so super crazy. too bad no shoes caught me eye. but mummy did splurge on more than a pair of heels and a clutch from Guess.
i love spending money and eating Ding Tai Feng and Carl's Junior and popcorn.
hey all. i am still sick as a dead cat, but yah, might as well stick it up and take a break over at KL. i need to shop and get away from the suppressing amount of projects parts to tie up. please dont get mad if you havent receive my email. i promise, before Christmas.
so be back in a few days with pictures, a rejuvenated tyng and some goodies. i hope.
leave you guys with some videos. i was youtubing last night and i had to post this awesome scene from Twilight. it's my favourite, and well, pretty much the only time i took my eyes off the other Cullens and swoon at Jasper, who twirled the bat so terrifically at around 1:09.
(pardon the quality. it was the most decent version they have)
and this is the original song, "Supermassive Black Hole" by Muse
super awesome!
gives me a vision of blood red maryjanes stilettos, dark colored nails, big va va voom messy curls, red lips. something like Mac campaign.
ok, i am off to take another nap. i feel so drowsy all the time, it's weird.
and someone needs to help me. i think Cleopetra's going konked. or is it cause i have too much music? i dont know. i cant even open the music folder now. ugh. i dont want to lose all my pictures and music.
ah technology. gives me headache.
I thought I was a fool for no one Ooh baby I'm a fool for you You're the queen of the superficial How long before you tell the truth
it makes me move my head left and right, left and right.
commercial songs are the bomb. especially Apple commercials.
went Christmas shopping with Mummy. MNG was on mega-sale and we bought dresses and waistcoats. then, we bought heels that looks something like THESE click clickChloe ones. and i listen to Feist and dance in them, spinning round and round in my flowy chiffon MNG dresses. i am super happy.
little brother has a ipod now. i was alittle jealous when mummy actually said "i'll take it" just after looking at them in the Apple store. well, i have my Lovelle. but Sexy Cleopetra is still against itunes (even version 7) so i cant sync anything. which means all the new songs i have are still not in Lovelle too and no songs for him. need somebody's external hard disk to put all my songs in, so then i can give them to someone with a decent itunes and sync to Lovelle and Da' Freeze (heh. i named Brother's ipod since it's silver and i am reminded of ice.). now school's out, no one tech-savvy is near me.
that was days ago before i fell super sick. and i think it's Sexy Cleopetra's problem cause itunes work perfectly alright in another laptop so i am worried that it might die and i lose all my songs and pictures and whatnots. i thought technology is suppose to help us, but i guess when we get too dependant on something, it turns into a vice and we only have ourselves to blame.
holidays is a scam cause i have been going back to school to do projects and deal with Disney application nonsense. and when you are not feeling well, it is irritating to have to travel. the new malaysian custom is Ginormous like some airport or convention centre! not so good for lazy sick people like me either. ugh. i am so cranky right now.
watched Twilight for the second time, with the intense making out scene. AWESOME really.
need to get drugged and drowned in water, which apparently helps the sick in all miraculous way. bye.
Sahaa says: "Oh no , 2 weeks without your voice gonna suck :( "
strangely that made me smile and there's a warm fuzzy feeling inside cause if it was someone else, i would usually register sarcasm and flinch.
i made up a new club, tagging at Amber's blog today. The We're-Mad-About-Twilight-Cause-the-Guys-Living-In-Our-World-Aint-Close-To-Being-HOT-Like-Edward Club. very very true. though the flick isnt half as good as the books, just go watch to swoon over the cast and set please.
i've come to terms with the FOUR horrendous kilograms, but all my darlings still love me so i am good. as in not stabbing myself, but still gotta lose it all away duh. i am waiting for a trip to the market for some organic vege and fruits, but meanwhile i am chomping on apples and oranges and water and milk and eggs. i might stop eating meat, but i had sausages with my eggs and i dont believe i can be a herbivore cause even at my omnivorous state, i am more carnivorous. does this all make any sense?
oh well, CABANA tonight with The Boys and Jialin honey before everybody goes off for some three-day trip around KL, Penang and Malacca or Singapore or just moping around at home and making time for other friends. ha. we have been meeting every single day like a couple in young, passionate love. so it's all tip-top for some breather until well, mid next week and it'll all start again and plans for our Christmas partayee.and definitely, i will get back my old bod by then.
okay need to go condition my hair before shampooing it. try it, a good way to get soft silky hair but maintaining your natural waves or curls when it's air-dried. it's horrible when i condition after shampooing and my hair's all silky but limp. so i develop this quirky way and have soft, silky but voluminous wavy hair. wheeeee.
i might get cheated of 19.50 cause i transferred the cash to the person and didnt take a receipt and that person hasnt replied my email after i told her the whole receipt issue. ugh.
update when i get back. hopefully there are actually pictures.
i lovelovelove my F21 bow hairband. one black one silver for just seven dollars.
let Orlando come sooon. i need to shop.
my scale is working; i gained FOUR kgs in just one week. i was screaming when i weighted myself, and this time my mummy let me. now the scale's in the middle of the living room, and i keep weighing and screaming and well, planning to lose all these extra fats. i am like FIVE kgs away from being a 55. not good.
this totally puts me back on the Bimbo meters.
sorry, whichever anonymous who commented (oh, do comment again to tell me who you are) :
"Seriously, stop saying you're fat. You're hardly close to being so.
Don't be delusional please."
i think I AM FAT. so, i need to keep acknowledging this fact (again and again) and then exercise. ugh i hate that i need to run and all; it's like primary six all over again. the nightmare period.
1:20 am - well, as yummy the LUT LUT (just got home from a session. hai.) is, i am laying off supper and all other unneccessary meals. it's back to ONE MEAL A DAY AND EXERCISES.
it's officially. i am super fat and i have love handles. but strangely, i dont really feel panicky about it cause i know when the boys go back to their own businesses overseas, i will lose all these happy (somewhat) weight cause i will be emo and lonely and not so entertained that my focus for staying lean gets diverted and i keep gobbling down premier food whilst laughing too loudly. besides i might be suffering over at Orlando next year for all we know. might as well pack some top-notch quality chow to go.
i am very good at consoling and comforting myself.
anyways, that day when we (more like eu ginn driving us la) were driving back from singapore, we saw this car taking a short cut and we followed suit, not seeing that (i only saw them just now) the arrows are pointing opposite to our direction - one way you know. and it ends up that person works for the immigration so we were stuck infront of the employee's gate cause the car has already gone in with the man tapping his auto-card and the gate opening then closing. so we were stuck at that one-way lane and people were driving to get their passports checked right beside us separated by a line of barriers. what to do, the lane is too narrow to u-turn, so junyou and i went down and got this officer to push the plastic barrier away and we manage to cut the line. i do not recommend this for anybody to try, and it was not our initial intention to cut the line duh. but that was such a Gossip Girl moment and i am secretly very proud of us for being capable of it. heh.
and today i commented that a SGD 1620 Lanvin top was "cheap" because i thought junyou said 162. thank god i did not add the following comment i had in my head - "it's almost a MNG's price range". phew. total bimbo moment; it would be way more embarrassing if i made that MNG comment. cause junyou said the salesperson's eyes were widen when i said it was "cheap". imagine if i start the whole "same price as MNG" charade in the store.
we have such mad adventures together i dont understand why we cant keep doing exciting things and skip the whole eating part. oh wait, i am not bothered with being fat. but yah, i even learnt to play mj and won a game or smth even when when teck yew was too preoccupied to guide me. see see. smartass.
i am suppose to be revising opera pms, but i have pms and i feel like sleeping or clubbing and drinking. it's just messed up how my life is about being fat. and seasonal fluctuating fun. why cant it be 24/7!
"Let It Rock" by Kevin Rudolf (muahaha.) featuring Lil' Wayne
06:30 - i really looked into the mirror (the past few days were whirlwind-dress-up sessions with the boys waiting for me in the car outside my gate or just downstairs where i can hear them grumble, so i had no time to check myself out.) and nearly screamed its smooth face cracked. my head swam when i focused on the huge foreign bulge from my tummy area and immediately i felt (and still feel) like a 55(kg). i swear i am nowhere near exaggeration even though there is no way to verify my actual weight since the scale is dead.
panicpanicpanic. i started looking for junyou's cardigan (believing that Calvin Klein can do wonders.) to hide ALL my fats in but then i returned it to him already. that set me into another wash of depression. to think i once swore to myself that i will not return to a 58. but now i can actually forsee bread-face tyng all over again. that pathetic enormous whale all lumped up at the corner (and over-spilling out of the corner of course) of the room in a party. it's just unbearable. i cant believe i actually let myself go completely, binging and stuffing my face with supper. i eat more than one cow every meal for the past few days. AHHH.
okay bimbo moment over. but throughout the journey to school, i was drowning in my insecurities and grieving for my lost far-from-a-bikini-bod-but-still-decent-enough er, body. i am having some serious case of pent-up hormones disorder. whyyyyyyyyyyy am i so FATTTTTTTTT.
okay, it's a DIET! i am ONLY eating HALF a meal a day.
i realise that i refuse to let myself be incompetent or better speaking, dependent cause i know that when i am being such a wimp or a no-backbone-r, i am heaving my loads onto someone else's back. and no, i refuse to let myself be in debt to anybody. and neither am i comfortable with leaving my shit for someone else to clear.
which is why usually in the end, i am the one clearing all the berak barang-barang. and you cannot start to imagine and believe the nonsensical hell-holes some of the fucktards in this world leave and would leave for you.
happy december everybody. i have been mia for oh-so long now that the net doesnt interest me that much anymore. i keep forgetting my true purpose of finishing up my projects and end up facebook-ing photos. it's truely a bitch having my friends bumming around while i have too many loose ends to tie up in school.
i just want to fly off to orlando this instant. well maybe after a huge-ass party.
right now stuffing myself with prune-like grapes which are not soft and soggy but crispy somewhat, i feel like i am ready for some adventure, some action, some fun. i hate guilt, boredom, stagnant. why am i back here again, i have no idea.
i just cannot wait for the two weeks' break and hopefully i am able to squeeze in more excitement than possible. cause right now, i feel like i want to just skip school and let my classmates mark me down for free-riding on the stupid projects. maybe some pre-christmas booze and ALL DIFFERENT TYPES OF POST CEREALS (ooh, banana nut crunch, blueberry morning, shredded wheat. mmm.) afterwards.
BUT I LOVE WAFFLES CRISPS BEST!
been stuffing my face with too much food, i think i am growing fatter and fatter and fatter. and fatter. it doesnt help that the scale at home is spoilt cause my brother kicked it accidentally down the stairs. why is everything going mad!
p.s. go see VS '08 on youtube. Sexyback still goes uber well. okay so maybe William aint that bad either. every this time of the year, i start to doubt my sexual orientation all over again. muahaha.
i havent eaten anything since around 2 p.m just now. i feel so thin thin think. whee.
