HELLO

i cant seem to sleep even though i am drained beyond.


life has been terrible lately, due to the overwhelming heaps of deadlines and stress and panic-attacks. three due-dates to make in one week is like ___ cause it's all beyond words.
this is not good, cause my mind is making up really, really tempting and creative ways to destress. think blanking out in midst of typing a report due the next day.


anyways, i got the metals out. but i am not as happy as i thought i will be roughly a year ago cause. i look weird with teeth that i think are too big now.


oh i kind of ran out of things to say. sidetracking from editing of retail powerpoint. but presentations are cancelled and postponed. so why am i still stressing.


p.s. 28 july '08 was a lucky day cause i saw swan thrice!


p.p.s. love, you made my day by initiating to pay for air tickets for me to fly over cause well, muahaha i am too desirable to not miss. i miss you too, and i will get mummy's permission. i need a break with you. faraway from all these.

NEED LOVE. AND TONS OF IT.

i am very dissatisfied with myself. (and of course, the konked up malaysia internet but what's the point anymore. fucktard.)

i finished the conclusion and i was trying to get online but NO. my msn has to be like cinderella, just that it can only be signed in after twelve. so i signed in and signed in and the time was awasting and peis must be waiting for my part cause i told her i will send it to her. so it was like twelve plus when i finally can get into hotmail and msn alike. she left me an offline i.m.; she was waiting for me, but has gone to bed. I AM SO GUILTYYYYYY. I MAADE HER WAIT FOR ONE PART OF THE ENTIRE PROJECT!

I AM SO SORRY, LOVE.


i am still sane. but currently, i want to burn all my lecture notes and crash my lappie and just lock myself in a movie archive and watch all the movies ever made in all parts of the world.

i cannot do anymore marketing or projects. i cannot use my brain. i cannot go to sleep worrying about unfinished bits of my workload. i cannot keep remembering french assignment and role play. i cannot tense up whenever i think about exams which led to that unprepared feeling. i cannot get panic attacks whenever i cant do my part well in school cause apparently, i am just so dense. i cannot race against time and deadlines. i cannot be a slave to reality. i cannot watch people have fun, while i only get to drool, green with envy. i cannot get singfest or death cab tickets.

it's depressing. i need love and care and concern and hugs. but you know, i am a void. a black hole. nothing fills me up right now. i can finish the whole tub of durians in the fridge and obviously am stuffed with high-calories substances, but still feel so empty.

why am i so emo.

TOOK MY BREATH AWAY.

"we never use our hands to hit the children, because hands are to hug and love."


i suppose i had a slightly overwhelming day.


visited my great grandpa in the hospital this morning. he's like a hundred and supposedly, four. he still has a clear and strong mind (in example, he knows which language to use to who. malay for the maid, teochew for my mother and chinese to me.), but his physical body is failing him.

i find it extremely.. mind-boggling that he has to be restricted with the earthly possessions because i know he can even hike Mount Everest with that stubborn and willed state of mind.

it wasnt peaceful in the ward at all. i suppose it would have been if i were alone. but there were tons of relatives showing their thriving emotions, tearing or doing stuff for him, busily on their own part. they remind me of flies or bees or ants, buzzing about. headless.

i looked paler in comparison, but i didnt know what to do. i froze up. like i always do when faced with situations that demand more emotions to be displayed. i am not good with meeting expectations. my brain doesnt register.


and back home, a show about orphans in kenya was showing on the teh-vay. there were cute kids, but i saw the sadness in their eyes. too sensitive? mm hmm. maybe.



suddenly, i was reminded of somebody's text still in my phone. the promise to be there for me. i was tempted to talk, but then some voice in my head told me to stop being such a wimp, and maybe i was being played and fooled around. i took that as a sign, because women have instincts and doubts are usually the facts of the situation.

so i slapped my faced (mentally) and watched Le Fabuleux destin d'Amélie Poulain (or known plainly as Amelie) without subtitles just to hear the language. somehow, french calms me down (or maybe it was the movie). i guess it was cause i didnt understand it very well, thus it wasnt as thought-provoking.

how i wish Across The Universe was in a foreign language. it would be top-notch whimsical. therapeutic.

then, i fell asleep, with Dear Prudence on repeat, till dinnertime.

guess i was drained.


i think i ought to snap out of it and finish my parts of the projects. if only i am a person who can bury my negative energy in work. i am trying to be, cause staring in blank spaces or napping really waste alot of precious time.

and, i will be starting my one-meal-a-day regime. too fat of a walrus to be true. oh wait, walruses are a mass of distributed fats. while i have a small head, fat tummy with thunder thighs and cankles and flabby arms. boo.

oh bother, bother.

the internet is downright crap cause i cannot sign into msn and if i did, i just keep disconnecting. also there's somewhat of a water shortage upstairs (has been for the past week.). malaysia is just about one of the lousiest place to live.

seriously, what the fuck. thanks to the net, or lack thereof, i am stuck sitting in front of the fish tank watching those stinky things swim around and kiss each other. i cant get ict notes into my head for the quiz tomorrow.



finally got the courage to watch Pursuit of Happiness.

yup, i cried (and it wasnt just tearing) at the scene when

one) they were sleeping in the toilet and somebody was knocking and chris was hugging his son, crying;

two) little christopher touched chris' chin and told him that he was a "good poppa";

three) chris fixed the weirdo thingy and the light shone across the room; and

four) he got the broker job.

oh wee wow.


and 21 was also wonderful. joe sturgess is HOT. and the part where they had sex against the hotel window. supposedly everybody should try it. i believe it would be extremely cold though, against the glass. hahaha. so horny!


i need to go study and finish up all the projects. so many so many. it's filling my head with disturbia-mania.

oh. did you know someone's taking german? and he peeked through my class' door today. whyyy wasnt he waving to me!!!

roar. grr. umm.

today is just one of those days i wake up dreading everything, from having to brush my teeth to dragging my ass to school all the wayy in another country. and like i expected, right now sitting in fma class, i tried so, so hard to force my obvious wandering mind to focus on the nagging whatnots. we all know i failed cause i am well, here. (click it, come on.)


though it really does give me a headache and tired eyes after like a whole hour, i still love to stare at the goddamn red layout of my blog. muahaha. i acknowledge all the side effects and complaints that people are telling me, but still. red is edge and i need edge in my life.
calling all clinically unsound people to be my friend now.


i just lost my interest. in the world. but i doubt i can walk out of the class right now, cause Law is a nag and guess what? there's nowhere to go but the loo.




(edited) considering how much i hate to think (about mundane stuff like "What Marketing Mix to recommend - for our own sick pleasure since we wont be feedbacking to the hotel itself - to some lousy ass hotel who is too stingy to hire a better marketing team to devise a more profitable one on their own" ), i have been performing wayy beyond my perceived limits and desires by sticking toothpicks below my eyelids and slapping my head every other second to keep my focus.

i have a serious focal problem. but i doubt there's therapy for it? cause usually wandering minds and eyes are symptoms of drug-taking. and i, dont even smoke.


alas, how i wish to be able to curl in the cold covers and smell the eucalyptus from the aroma infuser, listen to the aircon's purring, watch the light stream in through the tinted windows, all heat evaporated.

add someone special in the picture, and it's all perfect.


oh what do they tell us about perfection? it's non-existence.

currently hooked on : Collette Dinnigan. (click)
thanks to ngjunyou.


need to visit Haji Lane, Victoria Jomo.

we should quit school and move to the 60's.

i am ashamed of myself, being so terribly slow as Sean had kindly pointed out in our i.m. but Across The Universe is so damn whimsically euphoric that i cannot take my mind of it, and it gives me goosebumps and makes me want to break out in songs and lie in fields and skinny dip in lakes and paint with strawberries and kiss someone hot passionately.

I THINK I CANNOT DECIDE MY FAVOURITE PART CAUSE I LOVE 'EM ALL.

oh, jude lucy max prudence sadie jojo.




anyways, i got pictures for the sunday wedding. very little cause i do not own a camera and also, we were all busy getting drunk. i dont even have photos of the bride. wah lao.

i love mummy's hair.


my hair was. ew. fake audrey hepburn.




FAMILY ARE THE SEX!

camwhores. many other pictures, i just decided to spare your eyes.

i think i am such a hippie. "all you need is love" (times infinity). i see a striking resemblance between the characters and well, me.

but isnt it cruel? i cant imagine that one day when reality totally engulf me and drown me with industrial ideas so much so that my mind can no longer run free and lie in fields and swim in lakes. it's just so sad - understatement.

can someone save me from that day?

oh oh oh. no one XO me except for sarah sam. i do not miss the tagboard though. shall go watch Blueberry Nights now. i am a happy bunny cause i've got tons of movies to destress with.

"Dear Prudence, see the sunny skies..."

and love gave his rifle a blowjob.

hello lovebunnies.

today was pretty awesome and i get really hyped up whenever i look into the mirror and get blinded by the glitter.

mummy got me one) diamonds studs in white gold setting and two) another pair of white gold studs. apparently they are to fill all my ear holes. since i have two holes, i get two pairs! (mummy said she likes it when girls have small studs for the upper holes, and then larger ones for the bottom holes.) muahaha. (studs work well with new ugly short hair.)

besides that, i got new spec-ticles and contacts too cause my whooping new degree is five hundred per eye which makes one thousand both eyes and i am officially super half-blind.


i have made up a very awesome pick-up line. "me cannot see clearly, will you hold my hand?" how's that for a hook-up?


if you havent notice already, i got a new blog layout. simple and chic was what i wanted, but i guess it turned out to be just simple and maybe with a tinge of common. then again, i am a normal person (albeit the fact with new earrings muahaha) so what gives. it's all in the words, darling. all in the words.

anyways, i am sick of tagboards for the moment. so please leave whatever you wanna say at the xo's thingy below.

and also, i filtered all the links and stuff. so if you want me to link you up, also xo me. wow so horny.

p.s. the way i blogged previously do not tie in with the new layout. so if you are reading the archives for some reason, just ignore all the weird layout thingy.



funny, but i am listening to taiwanese rap on youtube and i am amused. it's just sometimes i feel that mandarin is such a wonderful outlet for expression. too bad i cannot make use of it well, even though i keep emphasizing my A-one for higher chinese. it has been so long.

people should not hate chinese. when i hear people saying how chinese is tough and annoying, i sneer to myself and what i really was thinking is that how ingrateful that idiot is, looking down on his/her own roots.


peace out.

quando quando quando?

wow. the past week has whirlwind-ed over. and i doubt i have achieve anything. another fruitless passing of seven days of my life. so negligible.


pardon me, but i am not exactly in high spirits with the FMA test crumbling right after i read the first question. and also, Red Cliff is only part one! cliffhanger! nevertheless, was awesomely traditional and majestic.


i decide against uploading all the pictures from the Retail Fair last wednesday. mainly cause i look utterly gross. still waiting for my hair to grow out to be remotely decent-looking. before that, i will be having it up and there will be less pictures.

there, some of my favourite people. everybody looks happy cause it was over by then.
oh i just cant stop staring at ____.

let's see, i have three movies waiting for me and i guess i shall go entertain myself since i need rest and i am really in an anti-social mood right now. i hope everything pass away calmly and in a blink of an eye, i have my fab hair back and i am dancing with some party people. just wishing.

(edited) miss nurul iman is so sweet/nice and bad at the same time! she has taken me to hell and heaven in just one i.m. why is he leaving for Mosbach soon! one whole semester and then possibly, it's my attachment! unbearably hopeless!

die die die.

hello. even though i do not hide behind my hair (like some girls do seriously.), i believe luscious tresses do add on to the overall sex appeal of a person.

oh, some idiot cut off my X-factor today. i just wanted to trim the scuffy ends, take some load off by layering it alittle, and also getting the bangs back. i have been facing hair loss due to it being too heavy.

and guess what? no hair loss now cause the whole thing is just one dog-bite head of twit pubes. i hate i hate i hate so much i want to stab him in the eyes.


what should i do! it looks like a mullet!

):

i do not want to cut it to a china-doll length, cause it'll take longer to grow back. but then i look in the damn mirror and i find that it wouldnt be much of a difference!

i am so insanely mad right now i want to pick up the scissors and just snip all my hair off. but that would make it harder for me to go to school tomorrow right.

and it's just too bad i dont look good with hats. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

I guess I WONT BE HITTING ANY CLUBS TILL MY FUCKING HAIR GROWS BACK. that's a good thing, supposedly.

type type typing.

i have been having strange recurring dreams that are of a neutral nature really. it's not like they are especially bad or good; they just leave me puzzled everytime i wake up in the middle of my sleep because of them.



i dont know about you guys, but the only thing i like about Fujitsu is their supposedly color quality and the feel of their keypads. it makes the perfect sound which calms me down alittle. somehow i feel professional typing away on it, and the idea of being a professional white-collar symbolizes composure and control. for me.



i havent been behaving quite like myself lately due to the stress of piling projects and upcoming exams. for one, i have been reading manga online. -.-

it's weird really, but japanese have such fantasies about love and life it takes you away from everything. but of course, we all know what imaginations do to tyng's expectations. it's hard to stay grounded.

i shall be fine right after this semester is over. i shall be fine after naps.



i missed dental appt today and i have to wait three weeks for the next. somehow, i am not as psyched to get the metal out like i thought i would be. it's not like anybody's getting any action anyways.

Absolute Boyfriend.

Absolute Boyfriend.



how i wish this post was titled according to my life's highlight. sadly, non. Je suis celibataire STILL.


oh yah, french introduction today was a subtle blur. haha i have no idea how to evaluate my performance.



anyways, i finished up the Manga of Absolute Boyfriend. and it's awesome. i've never been so mad about the jap culture. well, other than Hana Kimi. both are awesomeeeeee.


see my life. so mudane and i am turning into a manga/anime geek. weirdness.



i cant wait for Saturday. but then again, i want to _ _ _ _ _ _ _ one last time before my metals go off. not possible though.





xoxo.