TOOK MY BREATH AWAY.

"we never use our hands to hit the children, because hands are to hug and love."


i suppose i had a slightly overwhelming day.


visited my great grandpa in the hospital this morning. he's like a hundred and supposedly, four. he still has a clear and strong mind (in example, he knows which language to use to who. malay for the maid, teochew for my mother and chinese to me.), but his physical body is failing him.

i find it extremely.. mind-boggling that he has to be restricted with the earthly possessions because i know he can even hike Mount Everest with that stubborn and willed state of mind.

it wasnt peaceful in the ward at all. i suppose it would have been if i were alone. but there were tons of relatives showing their thriving emotions, tearing or doing stuff for him, busily on their own part. they remind me of flies or bees or ants, buzzing about. headless.

i looked paler in comparison, but i didnt know what to do. i froze up. like i always do when faced with situations that demand more emotions to be displayed. i am not good with meeting expectations. my brain doesnt register.


and back home, a show about orphans in kenya was showing on the teh-vay. there were cute kids, but i saw the sadness in their eyes. too sensitive? mm hmm. maybe.



suddenly, i was reminded of somebody's text still in my phone. the promise to be there for me. i was tempted to talk, but then some voice in my head told me to stop being such a wimp, and maybe i was being played and fooled around. i took that as a sign, because women have instincts and doubts are usually the facts of the situation.

so i slapped my faced (mentally) and watched Le Fabuleux destin d'Amélie Poulain (or known plainly as Amelie) without subtitles just to hear the language. somehow, french calms me down (or maybe it was the movie). i guess it was cause i didnt understand it very well, thus it wasnt as thought-provoking.

how i wish Across The Universe was in a foreign language. it would be top-notch whimsical. therapeutic.

then, i fell asleep, with Dear Prudence on repeat, till dinnertime.

guess i was drained.


i think i ought to snap out of it and finish my parts of the projects. if only i am a person who can bury my negative energy in work. i am trying to be, cause staring in blank spaces or napping really waste alot of precious time.

and, i will be starting my one-meal-a-day regime. too fat of a walrus to be true. oh wait, walruses are a mass of distributed fats. while i have a small head, fat tummy with thunder thighs and cankles and flabby arms. boo.