NEED LOVE. AND TONS OF IT.

i am very dissatisfied with myself. (and of course, the konked up malaysia internet but what's the point anymore. fucktard.)

i finished the conclusion and i was trying to get online but NO. my msn has to be like cinderella, just that it can only be signed in after twelve. so i signed in and signed in and the time was awasting and peis must be waiting for my part cause i told her i will send it to her. so it was like twelve plus when i finally can get into hotmail and msn alike. she left me an offline i.m.; she was waiting for me, but has gone to bed. I AM SO GUILTYYYYYY. I MAADE HER WAIT FOR ONE PART OF THE ENTIRE PROJECT!

I AM SO SORRY, LOVE.


i am still sane. but currently, i want to burn all my lecture notes and crash my lappie and just lock myself in a movie archive and watch all the movies ever made in all parts of the world.

i cannot do anymore marketing or projects. i cannot use my brain. i cannot go to sleep worrying about unfinished bits of my workload. i cannot keep remembering french assignment and role play. i cannot tense up whenever i think about exams which led to that unprepared feeling. i cannot get panic attacks whenever i cant do my part well in school cause apparently, i am just so dense. i cannot race against time and deadlines. i cannot be a slave to reality. i cannot watch people have fun, while i only get to drool, green with envy. i cannot get singfest or death cab tickets.

it's depressing. i need love and care and concern and hugs. but you know, i am a void. a black hole. nothing fills me up right now. i can finish the whole tub of durians in the fridge and obviously am stuffed with high-calories substances, but still feel so empty.

why am i so emo.