FUCK IT.

hello. apparently malaysian anything (today's case is the bank or that receptionist urgh) cannot be trusted and thus, i have to reschedule my appointment cause that bloody cashier's order was rejected. now all i can thank god for out of the whole wasted morning and afternoon was that i didnt fail the interview cause that would mean i have wasted lots of money as well.

after a whole parade of screaming and "fucks", i have slept the sadness and all other emotions away and am well enough to email mr pang to inform his about today's screw-up and no, i do not anticipate the arrival of his reply. i mean, he's nice and all, but it's at times when you're the screwed-up that his sarcasm is left little to desire and definitely unappreciated. i mean, it is amusing if you look at it from a totally non-relevant and third party's perspective. i doubt the chicken laughs when it's being slaughtered.

oh well. i am pretty much more upset cause i have to get my ass back and skip the whole sleepover and Ladies' Night out. sorrry loves. ): next appointment's 5th march and i wish things really do go smoothly or else, i dont know what.

CAUSE I NEED TO PACK AND I CANT FIND A FILE!

Visa interview in just less than twelve hours. i do not know why i am so nervous, but i sure am damn eager to get all these preparations over and done with! wish me luck cause i need to be there smoothly and without glitch, and i shall be back with more updates using G's wireless!

yay! sleepoverrrr! ok bye!

BUM BUM BUMMER BUMMER BUM BUM.

helloooo. i think i havent been dealing with the Real World for far too long, cause just now when i was writing out the "List of Things To Bring For the US Visa Interview on Wednesday", i had this sudden panic seizure as to how things will turn out. i mean, like i am planning and fearing at the same time cause i keep thinking if what i planned is right and appropriate. it doesnt make any sense and i got so paranoid, i got two lists now: the other one is called "Things To Note On Wednesday" and i have written down all the things Mr. Pang sent to us via email like what's our relationship with H.U and what to say and the procedures. i am blabbering.

i cant wait till that moment on wednesday when the interview guy says "i hereby approve your J-1 visa blah blah". cause i havent been so panicky since exams like a week ago! wait, i wasnt even that panicky about exams cause i had my mind on this interview thingy. okay i need to go run or something to get my head off things cause i am making the third list ("Things To Do Before March") and still i am not calm! if lists dont chillax me, something is wronggggggg.

i feel a fourth list coming called "Things To Prepare For Stayover" and then there's the fifth, "Clothing Options For Interview". are you gasping yet? why am i such a bundle of nerves. i mean, i am not even thinking of "Clothing Options For Ladies' Night Out"! oh dont get me started.

LOVE, LOVED AND IN LOVE.

hello people. after tremendous nights of Movie Marathons (!!) (yes tyng has nuuu life.), i have finally found my true purpose in life (HAHA to that previous bracket cause it's some serious irony). wanna hear it huh huh huh. you know you wannaaaaa! okay, it's WATCHING MORE MOVIES AND SERIALSSSSSSS! aint that awesome. i just love being this crapbag (pfft. gets me everytime! i love Friends.) sorta person and stream old old weirdo flicks in front of the comp and just well, dwell (MUAHA "well, dwell".) in other people's interesting life with a glass of cold milk.

okay, so other than that, i have got (a) my Cashier's Order done and (b) the Letter from the Bank with regards to how much moolahzx my mother has will be on the way tomorrow, (c) the internet network pattern of Malaysia - whereby in the afternoons it's pretty much crap and at the darkest hour of the night, it's woot! - totally figured out, (d) a new Favourite DMC Hangout where it's Vintage and Wonderful (should i spend RM120 on Two bracelets?!) but remember to bring insect repellant, and (e) brings me to the aboved titled mentioned topic.

well, you know. since my reality physical persona is seriously lacking in the Love department, my mental one has resorted to Romance from other sources. basically, i have got this awesome analogy of the difference between Loving a person, Being Loved by a person, and Being IN Love with a person.

Loving someone is like when it rains, you wait with a brolly to shelter him.

Being Loved is when it rains, you are the one being sheltered from the rain.

Being IN Love is either both of you share a brolly or, walk in the rain together.

- TradeMark of Tyng.

now, aint that awesome?! i am super impressed with Love Guru Tyng. and well, if you have seen that movie, you would also know i just know how to preach and the practising department is pretty much lacking. my friend made another analogy:

Loving is like looking after a sick person.

Being Loved is being looked after when you are sick.

Being IN Love is when both of you are sick.

muaha. a tad sadistic but still. well, pretty much i think people dont get Loving and Being In Love. it's a fine line i think, like how the emotions appears to be the same - the care, worry etc. but Being In Love is a whole new level of passion and understanding, commitment and devotion. Loving just occurs to everybody - friends, family, dogs, cats, birds. but Being In Love is like only the two of you exists on the face of the world.

how cheesy am i getting! Mariska Hargitay. bye!

♥

COULD IT JUST BE?

hello. i realise how tiny snippets my blog entries are. well, sure enough they are a pretty close resemblance to my current life for the past few days, post-papers. i mean, i wake up mid-afternoon, and then stream movies all day, occasionally making a meal or two or shower and other miscellaneous stuff. then it's out with The DMC and then back to movies and sleep. then the cycle starts all over. i mean to get a job, but isnt it incredibly silly that i will be employed for only a month with frequent leaves (for Visa purposes)? no one will want to hire me.

well, Skins is having frequent updates so i am staying alive. plus, there are just tons of movies i can watch. awesomely, i finally caught Pretty Persuasion after soo many years of searching! not bad i say. very dark. i loved it!

"but i am sure it is love.

all you want to do is kiss him and other stuff, brilliant stuff"

- Pandora, Skins Series Three Episode Four.

just the plain and simple way of things.

hello people. ooh i know it's 4.38 am and i am still not asleep. wonderful holidays! anyways, miss Nee Pok has a blog and i think she's really kooked cause she wished me Happy 19th on it and i didnt know about the existence of it till like a few days ago. haha.

anyways, this is boring me. no one reads anymore. are you guys waiting for US escapes cause i am almost there to a full confirmation of the trip and once my visa is done, it's fo' shizzle i am going!

well, i am done with Skins Series Three so far.

"Standing In The Way Of Control" by The Gossips.

woot!

-

"Why? What have you done?"

"I'm a Jew"

- The Boy In Striped Pyjamas

that made me cry.

A BIGGER HEART, PLEASE.

hello people. watching Skins made me think about how people should just do whatever they want to and not be restricted by others and most importantly and most of the time, themselves. i have always been one such idiot, tying myself down and being rational and realistic because i have a large tendency to be such a fucktard, being controlled by just emotions. oh and of course, there's this nagging possessive obsession compulsive order-ish problem of mine which involves needing every detail to be exactly how i want them to be. that involves humans too and defo i know that they have their human rights so it's improper to manipulate people but why do you care, cause they dont get manipulated anyways and in the end, shit comes down and i get hurt.

my excuse is that i have a pretty clear what's not good for me so i try to make plans on things so i can live my life without being hurt. how come nobody understands, and they have to go around doing whatever they like inconsiderately and then their bloody "Mood Swings (end up giving me a bloody) Whiplash" - Twilight.

i mean that scene when Cassey gave Sid a kiss then LATER A BIG FUCKING TIGHT SLAP because he was supposedly together with her and then misled that she was sleeping with this guy who is actually gay so freaking scolded her, and gets on to hooking up with Michelle, who's close with Cassey, was just fucking awesome. and i just meant, the SLAP.

so Fuck you all, jerks. have a nice life, and stay out of mine. oh and other inhabits, stop pretending to be so bloody Cheery cause we all know you're not.

quote of the day: "ah why cut yourself when you can be in love?" haha. what an irony.

OH YAH, HAPPY V'S.

oh please, i am so not bitter la. just got home from Melaka with part of The DMC and man, how i wish the night lasts forever cause nights are awesome and days are boo-some. sorry, am in a bad state of mind cause it'snothingiwanttotellabout.

now that the Papers are overrrrrr (YAY but no YAY), i feel lost cause i got nothing to do and i feel like i didnt study much and boo cause i want to earn money but i dont want to get a job. hm. i cant wait to develop the pictures from junyou's Ikimono. so cuteeeeee.

i hope next year, i will have a wonderful boyfriend who's into photography and has a kickass DSLR and some lomos. tsk, bye!

"And it breaks my heart."

"Fidelity" by Regina Spektor

"And by protecting my heart truly
I got lost in the sounds
I hear in my mind
All these voices
I hear in my mind all these words
I hear in my mind all this music"

because of all the other shit happening, studying for exams paled much in comparison. and because so, i came home at twoplus a.m. and studied one hour. then woke nine hours later and mugged for another two hours. the momentum's not entirely lost yet; i will be getting back to Finance in just a while.

before Inventory Management, i just want to say as much as i like being a detective and finding things out myself, this time i am not going to do anything of that sort.

"I know I said I loved you but I'm thinking I was wrong."

"New Romance" by Laura Marling

"and I'm sorry to whichever man should meet my sorry state,
watch my steady lonesome gait and be aware.
I would never love a man
'cause love and pain go hand in hand
and I can't do it again."

the more i try to study, the more i want to throw those goddamn books away and just stream youtube videos all day or buy books that are not proper and laze in my chair and read in the wind.

the more you need to do something, the more contempt it feels.

i think i have serious ocd, or whatever problem it's called. note the way i keep playing a new favourite song 43254789476750375 times every day for a whole week or so, and then never listen to it ever again till maybe months later.

does this say alot about me as a lover/girlfriend/person in a relationship? maybe.