i am so looking forward to school coming mon. honestly. the days of pure sweetness, spent with the lovelies and other valuable company. bumming around has indeed been.. pressurizing. especially when my mummy gets all whored-up with me for waking up at 2 in the afternoon, and never getting over my "laziness" or total ignorance/oblivion to the happenings of the house which bluntly included my bros' meals and the maid's non-existence initiative to do more work. what she doesnt know is me suffering from insomnia so bad that i couldnt get any wink except until 5, at the crack of dawn. being forbade of sleep is indeed cracking me, well, not as much as THAT and the abso-fugliness of my hair. ah well.
i finally got round to getting out. just for lunch. with the ugly hair. then again, no one was looking and truthfully, i didnt give a fuck what they might think (this is so heartfelt considering i was in levis and a tee, both left to rot on my chair after i wore them last week.).
you thought it would do me some good, getting fresh air and stuff. but NAH. i nearly got round from mental to physical killing of everybody who stepped on my toes, which eventually narrowed down to the fat girl donning a cheapo mini in front, engaging in blinding PDA with her equally horrendous boyfriend (like i always say, that's mutual bad taste for you.). But it was, intrinsically, the self-pity and worthlessness and the familiar sense of depression i thought i've left behind. it wasn't supposed to be like this. things were supposed to be better and they were, if only for a while. but who am I kidding, really. it has always been around, this sucking swirling crippling vortex and subsistence relies solely on how well you deal. there's probably no cure for existentialist angst. ahh, shut up tyng.
p/s to fat girl: you might wanna get that kate moss/olsen twins/nicole richie look, but honestly, i dont really give a fuck if you got a boyfriend despite the too-obvious fact that you're humongous and that no one will ever get to accidentally sneak a peek at your undies cause your thighs totally blocked any pathetic possibilities, cause it's a fucking restaurant and somebody just wants to fucking finish their banana pancakes and be allowed a slight tinge of joy. so screw you and your thunderous elephant thighs, and get a bloody room with your blind cyclops. stop making everybody bulimic even before they ingest anything.
i just need a dose of sanity.
ta-ta.
xoxo.
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