torn between emotions.

torn between emotions.



i realise what happened seven years ago made me a whole lot screwed up different in some ways more than i had ever known. not that i am blaming anything, but still. i wonder if i would have developed differently if it hadnt happened.

i was, and am still, at a loss on how to deal with deaths. as ironical as that sound, being the one who had an intimate encounter, blah blah.

i mean, life is a bitch, screwing more people twice or third over this time round, but when you think about it, the phrase "one man's meat may be another's poison" just hits you smacked right in the face, breaking the bridge of your nose. cause for all we know, at the exact same moment, the word "celebration" might be taking all possible forms around the world.

i guess what i am trying to express didnt come out right. all this that i have gotten out isnt even tapping into half of what i want(ed) to say. i wish someone will just tell me what to do, or maybe write a book even if it's a "dummy's guide".

i am praying a whole lot more tonight.

-

so, last night. tyng had her virgin clubbing night in singapore! with full consent from mummy! i heart you.

nee nee pok, za, jaselin (nee pok's friend. but i met her before once when she played pool with us. she's binny's friend too.) and i went to MOS thinking it was ladies night, but then it was eve of labour's and all, so we paid 12 bucks with one free drink. there werent much foreign talent, much to our "dismay". but there were hell lot of people that moving around was a challenge. there were 80% more guys to girls i think, so everywhere you move, guys all around.

and so, to summarise my story (repeated to many people about the experience), here are some random mainpoints i remembered :

one) to me, singapore's definitely topped jb's. but kl's alittle better.

two) i experienced four types of grinding experience :

a) "you dance pretty good. so i dont mind going along with it"

b) "ooh you're pretty hot and damn, what moves you got! i dont

mind you putting your hand round my hips/waist!"

c) "what the fucktard! stop "banging" my backbone! this is a club,

not some rock concert, stop jumpinggggg!"

d) "you havent got the moves so i am alittle bored dancing with you"

three) i dont really see how you can pick somebody up when it's so crowded and noisy that talking is a task. maybe it was just cause last night was SO PACKED.

four) i was hell surprised cause nee pok and za are such horny dirty dancers! jaw dropping, show stopping.

five) i guess the four of us are hot cause we were picked up, offered a drink and "protected" as much as possible. then again, clubs are well-known for boosting self-esteem eh! hahaha.

six) bitch (almost) fight! tsk tsk. fat bitch with long grass for hair and razor-sharp elbows. i dont like.

seven) 3/4 jug of cranberry vodka gave me some high. was sharing with za.

eight) tired tired tired. with backache and tummy cramps. like gym session. crashed at 4 plus at za's. thanks for letting me stayover, horny! i now know where you got those funny genes from.

nine) some guy told me "you girls come clubbing, very poor thing eh" after helping me to get rid of this nonsense who was alittle too close to me. ironically enough, he was grinding me in the point d (refer to above) kind of way. of course i avoided trouble by catching myself before shooting the "yah of course, poor things to meet people like him and you" i had in mind.

ten) i mind being short more. i was breathing people's second-hand air the whole time. and tip-toeing to breathe isnt a good option either.

out of points.

my bod's still pretty tired and i need to sleep more. but i thought wed was pretty not bad. so i had to write something.

cause i talked to _ _ _ _! and it was awesomeee. NE was shit cause it was 45 mins and that's the only lecture but hey, when we came out, him and i talked! for a few mins but it was HOT HOT HOT (he was so damn hot, the weather was hot, my face was hot from his hotness) and i am so INFATUATED cause i was hippity-hoppity bunny happy afters and i was just smiling and in a trance. wooots.

oh and my mum bought 7 pairs of shoes while i was away and some accessories and a couple of bags and dresses and she spent close to 3000 and i think she's mad but i am happy cause they are all pretty things.

i dont care i am crazy like a little schoolgirl.

xoxo.