holidays always makes me anti-social.
when it's time to put my social calender (however pathetic it is, i still have one with filled dates and appointments okay.) down for a rest, i tend to be much more seclusive than ever. cause well, i am just an extremist that way.
plus, i hate traffic congestion when my impatient mummy nags and nags; i's rather roam around my house, alone, searching for that magical wardrobe that leads to NOT narnia, but a land of sunflowers and where my wildest dreams (let's see, there's inclusion of brazilian male models, male models in general, perfumes, lingerie, able to eat without gaining weight, a hot bod..) come true.
so, if you get to see me in the hols, i think it's time to fork out some cash for 4D and then share the winnings with moi. hahaha. yah i still need money.
Christmas is just a day or two away! whee! but this year, there wont be an elaborated party or celebration at home cause i think my mummy got lazy. haha. besides, i cant chew on the turkey's leg cause of the braces. so i am happy with a simple edible dinner that doesnt consist of anything that i cant chew. cause not being able to eat makes me mean and grumpy, and we wont like that.
but i am expecting some plans with some FRIENDS. from what i can remember, i havent celebrated anything with my friends, so it's a start. and i do hope it's a start of my most anticipated freedom when i turn 18.
there's plans with the boys and also, HB clique. and also, marcus' social night where i had agreed to be his date.
now i wonder where will i squeeze in time for homework and project plannings! ahh. GodSaveMe!
i was going to complain about stuff again, as you can possibly see from the title. but suddenly, i feel happy cause i slept enough today. plus, i am sucking on my favourite candy cane. tsk. i dont really like it when my anger dissolves away, but i dont wanna complain cause it's the holidays and a festive season and mr bean's baking his turkey on my telly in the background. and i think i did complain about some stuff already, so i shant complain about what i had originally planned to complain. hmm. i think i used the word "complain" more than five times in this short para, so i shant go on and it's enough complaints for a post. hah! nonsensical.
other than lazing around, eating candy and watching the telly, i think i need to get my ass out of the house to shop for a present to exchange this coming HB gathering. what to get what to get. it has to be unisex, cause we wont know who might pick it out.
wait, i havent got presents for anybody yet! there are some homemade cards here and there, but you know, i wont ever finish the whole lot i have planned to make and give out in time. it's always like that. in the end, i only give out cards to an exclusive few. but then again, most of my dearest loves are far far away in OVERSEAS land. (hey it has a good ring to it eh!) it's pretty pointless. okay. so new year resolution one) make cards earlier next year!
well then. that's pretty much all now. i wanna go watch the xmas edition on cartoon network! hahahaha. and eat more candy. i know i said new year resolution two) lose weight and tone that abs, but that's next year! hahah! byeeee!
- 6.30 pm
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i cant believe it. i hate christmas and i hate my upcoming 18th birthday and i hate 08's valentine's and i hate the holidays, i hate everything. i cant believe i thought i was okay with this whole thing of having my close friends away overseas, and suddenly it strikes me that i am not. it's always like that. i want to be okay i want this all to be the same. but it isnt. and you dont make it the same. and you dont try. i cant believe you, especially you, would fucking rain on my parade. i cant believe you dont understand my excitement of my upcoming 18th and everything i want to do and want to plan.
i cant help it if others dont get the ecstatic and excitement i get from the overwhelming anticipation and expectation i tend to always have when something, usually very random, is going to happen, be it my birthday or anything small like the release of a new movie. and i thought you got me and you understood and you will try to help me make it special like i thought and wish and hoped it will turn out to be. and then you tell me that in actual fact things wont be as special as i dream of them to be, you tell me i cant cause you have to do something else, you tell me it wont happen cause things like time and schedules clash. i dont want to hear facts; i can read an encyclopedia for them. am i so unimportant that dates cant be rearranged?
i want somebody who can help me weave my dreams into reality of the daily life. it's not too hard with a little amount of trying. but you wouldnt. like everybody else, you ignore me or shrug me away. and instead, you tell me to grow up and be sensible and let you go to bed cause you're tired even though i miss you and i want to talk to you. it was all your way when we were together and i cant believe i am tormenting myself even when we're not.
i cant believe i still expect and anticipate after all the times i have been let down. i dont learn, do i. i am a girl who wont grow up; i am a girl who still lives in the fairytales; i am like gisele from enchanted, just that she gets her 'happily ever after' but i would have died from letdowns and desperation and poignant pangs on my wounded heart even before i come close. i hate movies; they instill false hopes into me. but i love them, cause they paint me wonderful beautiful pictures to dream and hope for. maybe i am not meant for this world. i have always knew that. and this time, trying to find someone of commodity is getting tiresome and seemingly bleak. cause guys find random and unpredictable me tiresome to maintain and upkeep.
ta-ta.
xoxo.
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