right this moment, dressed in a red tee, blue levis and red pumps, with totally NO makeup and a uber bad complexion, i am boring/entertaining myself with constant blasts of randomly shuffled songs by saving jane, MCR, gym class heroes, josie and the pussycats (hah. yah.) etc; thumping of my mental drums along with the beats; watching my classmates practise their speeches in their formal smarts; freezing in the cold; thinking about you; waiting for class to start; dreaming of money; contemplating anorexia; missing them; having no idea what i am blogging about; desiring the burning sensation of absolut shots (i am not alcoholic though. last time i drank was the sleepover at the fish farm. (: ); falling asleep; drifting away from reality, drift drift drift, to idiosyncrasy of self-delusional/denial and selective amnesia...
i was late for an hour for pom today. woke up at around 7, but to have to travel from malaysia to yck, i entered class at 9 (better late than never, okay.) just in time to clean the board (punishment) and bid goodbye. winnie lie was relatively kind, i think. that is if she marks me "late" (i aint asking for alot. no?) instead of "absent". must be due to all that psyching i have done to my little brain last night, with all the chanting of "i dont want school" like a little kid. ey wait, I AM A KID. didnt you know i am only less than 9 years old inside? hahaha. whee, swing!
lunch later with the loves. i hope most of us are there. i miss them so so so much. i know it sounds stupid that i can miss people, who goes to the same school as i do everyday, THIS DAMN MUCH. but i guess this is what makes me a weird fuck. like hell, emotions reign over this little body big time. fine, fine. not that little. tsk.
want to know something? maybe (just maybe.) i am meandering down the road of anorexia. maybe the devil is summoning me at the end of this
well, not literally yet but so far, after all the speeches i have heard about eating disorders, i kind of grasped a fine deal of knowledge on the types of e.d and ways to do it. and honestly, i dont find myself anti-e.d as it proves to be a pretty darn good method to achieve THAT HOT BOD (considering that i've got no discipline to keep to the much-hated exercising and steroids makes females develop masculine features such as facial hair!). it's like, i also kind of admire the people's willpower and whatnot.
but but but, of course, as much as i want to lose the extra blubber on me, i dont want to lose my boobies (cruelly blunt here, pardon me.). like hell. i dont want to be flat as much as i dont want to be fat. it will cost my buckaroos a great deal, with all the maximisers and bust-enhancements i'll need to bag. ugh.
then again, being anorexic means i have to stop eating, sometimes AT ALL?! FOR A LONG TIME?! (gasped in terrible horror. with mental shrills of no's.) what the fuckingoutofyournuts hell. how can I do that? there will be tons of opportunity costs (hee. microecons!) such as haagen daaz, beef noodles, pepper lunch, bens&jerrys, blueberry pancakes, waffles, ham, sushi, gelato, hotdogs, sandwich, salads with turkey ham (hah.), smoothies, food food food. there is a reason i am this fat, and it's.. wait for it..are you waiting? i like to eat.
alas. what a mean life.
sorry i sounded real bimbotic. maybe i am. a bimbo and a weird fuck. got to go!
[after class and lunch,]
i am STILL anorexic-free, no worries. in contrast to that, i ate a whole cheese and ham sandwhich and strawberry italian soda from splash n' decker is the bomb! i would say lunch was roaring, but that would be dramatising the whole situation. but i love love love liz, nur, boobies, dk and binny for sticking to the routine! sexy is sick (bacteria infection, swollen face, had shot from doc!) so GET WELL SOON, you poor soul and get your ass back for lunch! we havent been seeing you! you and your hot dates in tanjong pagar. tsk.
class did damn well for eff comm, and my worries about that lost-able A is rising. still, i am suppressing depressing (rhyme!) thoughts with loads of junk beats and mental hopping-around-in-circles. all the more to succeed in the attempt to appear sane. yes, appear's the word.
entertainment for the day:
shereen's big bird!
funny contrasting objects: serious formal wear and silly ol' yellow big bird hand puppet. hah.
oh my, i do look like a wreck. U-G-L-Y, i aint got no alibi.
NRL SAYS HELLO :)
retro theme postponed!
until after the hols i guess.
anticipation kills, i know. but let's hope for endless hours of fun when the killer by the name of hols [okay, lame joke.] finally comes! (crosses fingers.)
ta-ta.
xoxo.
the only fool stuck in time.
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