who never gets the guy.
you know, recently, i have been coming into terms with myself (yes, both good and bad.) that i am so content and happy with my ALITTLE psycho at times (but abso-lovely!) mummy, my annoying (but oh-so-adorable) brothers, the whole poly mayhem, my lack of a proper hip social circle and life, my whirred-up, emotions-sensitive brain and many other chaotic havoc (emphasis!) that might send anybody right through the gates of woodbridge.
speaking of which, baby told me that day that there is a woodbridge HOTEL. hahah. (yah i know!) and, it's NOT beside the institute. he made that pretty clear before i had the chance to ask. oh, you know me kinda well, pretty boy. hah! mushy! (barfs.)
i was going to blog about some feelings and viewpoints on stuff my mummy and i talked about in the car, coming back from nasi lemak. but suddenly, i cant arrange my thoughts; everything is in one hell of a jumble. it's so annoying. urgh! all i can think about now is:
a) baby
b) freshies
c) school
d) icas (this is so fucking darn it.)
e) photography (which is so weird, cause i havent freaking start anything yet.)
f) party-ing
g) heaps of other crap that i am too lazy to mention here. just be assured, it is ALOT!
i need a break. (have a kit-kat! hahahhaa.) shush! shut up, tyng. stop being funny, this is a serious post. solemn. proper. cool. reserved. introvert. deep. (ey, who says we cant be bubbly and deep at the same time?!) apa ini! [kapau!] (*_*)
i think i am not in a right position to blog. so, bye!
[edited]
you know, i have been thinking: what will i be like if i hadnt stop learning certain stuff? like ballet, piano, sketch, (sanity and reality)... sure, i may still be tyng. but maybe my life will be better when i am equipped with skills to do these things i really love. well, at least i dont need to live in doubt and envy envy envy.
i know, this is so ironical to the previous declaration about being contented. you can pfft me, i dont care. i just wonder, not remorse or want to down detergent or slash my delicate wrist.
my personal problem is being too ambitious. i dream to acquire that height of things that prolly even superman cant reach. and, since i am such a perfectionist as well, i am living harder than most of the people i know. kicking and punching (not so much literally.) myself for all the regrets i have accumulated and inabilities i've got is such a norm that even 1 + 1 = 2 seems like a new addition to the seven wonders of the world.
of couse, it is thanks to so many of my LOVEs (yes, you guys!) that i am able to come to slight terms with my inadequacy; i know they heart me, for the skill-less, unglam, fugly, plain-jane-boring, looney-phoney me.
i guess this is why i am dying to start on photography; i am eager to develop something. it's like i am constantly groping in the dark to break free from the 'tyng' that seems to be like downright trash cause she isnt gorgeous both in and out and doesnt know how to study, dance, draw, do anything at all - many people stereotyped. and last time, when i had the besties, we had each other to depend on and sanctuary was in the form of sweet mutual assurances. but now in the new environment, i guess i havent got my girls with me anymore and i usually have to assure myself, which is a complete foo-foo cause you wont believe yourself, and in the end, it all comes down to pfft-ing yourself and definitely more cups of misery. poly is great, dont get me wrong. and i do have tons of fun, but you know, time is needed for that bond with people. desperately needy? yah, maybe.
ta-ta.
xoxo.
be nrl-happy! hahaha.
(for you, lovely LOVE!)
next time, i will video down the lust on guys' faces when you walk pass them, for sure.
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