troubles brewing from me and spreading.

troubles brewing from me and spreading.

lately, i find myself getting closer to crossing the line that draws sanity and insanity apart. i guess it's because i've been bumming around too much that i have lost myself and essential skills to communicate with people. i guess that's why i find that things are going from the supposed top-notch to the deep shit. my thinking skills are prolly down to zilch or less; my liveliness is way worse. i guess i am "beating myself up". i have not gotten over much stuff i encountered, and now all these suppressed "spirits" are haunting me more than ever before. i wouldn't say i dont want to help myself, but i am just not really that bothered anymore. i mean how? throw all these bad stuff out and start again? this way, i'll need to get on with parts of the detox that i dont think i want to part with. NAH, I DONT WANT TO TALK.

i am not sure i want to be single. but yah, things are in the rough patch/ waters, whichever way you like it. i dont know why. i guess it's the drawback of "absence makes the heart grow fonder" that's setting in and we now have "distance" and whatever shits. i guess i am more of an ignorant and ungrateful jerk than i ever knew i was. it sure sounded that way. INSECURITY, yes that's it. paranoid on my part or blame on his, not important anymore. i am just looking forward to better things. and strangely, nanyang feels like one.

speaking of which, i have done all necessary stuff and i am now an enrolled student there. went down to yio chu kang that day, and man, they have water fountains everywhere. for what. waste all those cash and stupid stuff and half way round the world, little kids are starving. yah yah, i am being cynical. i may start scribbling "i love the fountains" next for all anybody care. just waiting for orientation now, which is about ten days away. i need to go shop too. get those school stuff. ALONE this time. i should start learning anyways.

that's all i guess. anybody who has fun stuff coming on, invite me! i need friends now. blah.

ta-ta.

xoxo.

throw away the lousy attempts to hide the changes.

tear away the mask,
the tolerance,
the compromises.
it's high time to pour all that brewing acid into each other's ears.

fake hugs. half-kisses.
a white-lie love.