yes. i am seriously asking somebody (anybody in fact!) to. it's a dare! double-dare! today has been one hell of a mind-overload for me. also, i was late meeting ting and for lit lecture, which was officially the last lecture i would ever have in ijc. whatever right, since i am not staying. but i do feel bad for making ting wait so long. sorry, girl!
oh, by the way, i am going to be going to nyp and doing tourism. i took a withdrawal from ijc's general office already. my thoughts on that? nothing really, no sadness, no joy. nothing. zilch. i was alittle bummed that i didnt get into np's mass comm, but it had tough competition. so, whatever. i know i will miss doing literature and being all insane with ting. but we will keep in touch okay? we ABSO-MUST!
skipped chi lit today. was going to head home but ended up back in woodlands library. read half a book but left after being constantly interrupted by this two secondary school girls who were suppose to be doing cip but ended up sitting down at the carpet and chatting about "ta hen shuai" (direct translation: he's so hot/cute/good-looking/handsome.). i looked up from my book and all i saw was this arsehole of an ah beng with:
- a black shirt with dragon print (minus min.20 points),
- gold hair with black grown-out roots! (minus min.50 points),
- fag on ear (?!)(minus min.80 points),
- ugly, ugly slippers (minus min.100 points),
- eyes closed, prolly drooling. not reading but sleeping (minus min.200 points)
- many more flaws.
i could go on, but lets see, he has a minimum of negative 250 points already, with deduction starting at 100 points. sheesh. bad taste much, little girls? so i left in search of some tranquility and peace and quiet. well, i did had some later when i went to the starbucks at the mall near the msian custom. no one was there and there was a cute waiter and soft music was playing. i bought a frap and spent an hour or two there. sigh much sighs of relief.
lately i have been incapable of acknowledging my feelings; i am not really bothered to anymore. instead, i shrug them away, cast them aside. i guess i am just bored and sick of dealing with complicated puzzles. also, i have eventually been numbed by all the frustrations i have with regards to the imperfections of this world. all the fugliness, the inelegance, the crimes, the chaos, the failures, the disappointments, the rubbish, the fucked ups, the screwed ups, the sins, the lies, the pompous - the reality. i do have thoughts though, much more in replacement of the emotions. i would walk around, and upon noticing something, comments will run over and over in my mind. i cant control, so, i just let them be. at least i am not schizophrenic, hearing voices that tells me to jump down a building right? all these opinions are merely channelled into my pace and not acted upon; the more agitated i get, the faster i walk. away. as long as the wind or heat brush across my cheeks long enough, i'll leave everything aside. or maybe it's just because i have found another to divert my attention span and focus to.
i think i am near the point of absolute insanity. while some weird-ass cant take the beauty of this world, i cant handle the ugliness of it. justice is never anywhere.
what i would like to do is definitely escape from the norm and conventional, and travel the world. of course, despite being the utopian, life has been a harsh teacher and has managed to instill some sense of realism into me. whenever i think about my monetary deprivation and other shit-ass "problems" related to travelling around the globe, i get back into the nothing-else-will-worry-or-interest-me-in-life-hereafter mood. it gets irritating after awhile and you wont want anything anymore. BLAH! yes, that's what you want to say when life throws something your way. BLAH!
know what? i am going to miss wearing uniforms. that day, when i walked over to macd to wait for ting and joel before heading off to school together, i caught my reflection in the glass doors with my bp uniform on. then it just hit me, and i know why wearing uniforms are such an enjoyment. well, duh we're not that patriotic to our schools, it's just that when everybody in a school're wearing the same thing, the thrill of violating the rules and showing we dare to change gives us this superiority feeling. it's like soft rebellion. do you get? simply put, we like uniforms because we know we will be altering it and thus appear different and in trend, it's like accomplishing a dare. like anybody's going to alter the skirts shorter if minis are not hot. it's just this fuck-weird subconscious mentality of being a teenager. to do things differently and our way. our way = any way that the adults dont approve of. seriously, do you believe the long-skirts-are-inconvenient-and-itchy bullshits your peers give you? yah right. haha.
oh, have you seen the mtv of avril lavigne's "girlfriend"? i think youtube has it. in short, she's now this spunky cute blonde who dances bimbo moves in shorts, fishnets and soccer socks, singing dumb-blonde-acting-rocker-chick (ever-so-appropriate!) lyrics such as "don’t pretend, i think you know I’m damn precious. and hell yeah, i’m the motherfucking princess". mm hmm. yah. you make paris hilton look good, and this number you got make her songs top the charts. sheesh.
now you know why i have second thoughts about this world? no one stays true to themselves.
sorry everything was so random.
ta-ta.
xoxo.
happiest 17th, jodi!
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