seeking a meaning..

seeking a meaning..

seriously, not going to school makes me feel really useless other than the usual bored, free, anti-social, happy, sad etc, people use to describe their school-less days.
besides that, i feel really disappointed in myself. all these days ever since i threw all the mugging mood behind after the O's, i havent read a good book nor have i written a emotion-filled prose or poem. you get what i mean? i just havent done anything that allows me to get in touch with the inner soul of tan woan tyng. (sighs) to think i used to coop myself somewhere in a corner all the time, scribble my heart-felt shits out, or just doodle some things i feel like expressing.
now, all i do is watch the bloody telly, go online and face that stupid monitor of mine, type some shits on my blog, go splurge some money on stuff i want not need, think about nothing constructive, go to work treating it as a routine not joy, face the mirror and complain about how my appearance can be improved...
POINT IS I AM BECOMING SO SICK OF MY SUPERFICIAL LIFESTLYE, I WANT TO JUMP OUT NOW!!
some part of me is telling me to get out of this sick-ass life and do something meaningful. but i am lost. what exactly is meaningful and will fulfil my odd need and desire to achieve this abstract self-satisfaction?
turn to a vegetarian? baby has strong objections to it. and i dont think i can give up meat.
volunteer somewhere and do community work? i am not really that kind of person. let's just say, i rather donate money than go sweat myself out cleaning the old folks' home or something.
i know i might be one of the mean-iest person on earth; i laugh at people when they fall flat on their faces, i bully little kids by eating their sweets and popping their balloons.. i'm just not a goodie two-shoe cause i tend to just react to how i feel, not how i should. haha. it's like i am just ME. aargh. dont know how to explain.


anyways, i have decided on how to get that attainment i was looking for. i shall:

go get a good and meaningful book
(no more silly books such as gossip girls, though i love them to death, but hey, i am turning 17. need more adult stuff. hahaha! but definitely not rich dad poor dad or stuff like that.);

watch less telly;

stay further away from the materialistic world and my "wants" (that probably means i'll get to shop lesser, but i dont really want anything now, thankfully.);

do more good deeds;

doodle more about my feelings.

list ends here so far. i shall probably complete these tasks first.

oh well, it never hurts to change the routine life once a while, yah? so i shall psycho myself into this new routine, and then change it again once i get bored! hahaha!


the O results are coming out soon, real soon. i do hope everything turns out well, and TING, JAS, MIC AND I get what we want! haha! please please please! besties, are we going to go out or not? I MISS YOU GUYS.

ta-ta.

xoxo.

i had a dream.
this dream of him.
are dreams true?
if so, did he forget me?

2 days..