i confuse and piss myself off all the time.

i confuse and piss myself off all the time.

you know what? i get pretty sick of myself most of the time. the things i do, feel and say are always shocking to myself, like most of the time.

well, today, i shocked the hell out of myself when i actually wanted to wrenched my aching heart and throw it in this guy's (call him A) face who had created hell lot of trouble for me and carried his pathetic ass to some other place oversea. we were together once and well, my feelings changed and i initiated the break. somethings are just not meant to be. there are some things he did which hurt me, but i wont state them here. anyways, when we're done, he seriously garnered much of my sympathy by playing the victim and making my heart ache for him all the time. the tears i shed for our problem can be measure in oceans, if there is such a measurement unit. life was a torture with his constant moans about how he'll wait for me, how he'll love me only. i am not that kind of a girl to believe these bull-crap. but you know how a girl gets with these constant blasts of even the most ridiculous words; she'll slowly come to think that maybe these words are from the bottom of his heart. and guess what? even when he's gone from the country i am in, these lies continue; we had talking opportunities since we stayed friends, for i was being toyed around by my heart. again. and though things turned pretty fugly, there's still a little silly part of me that believes everybody can be given a second chance. my bad.

i got together with one of my best male friends, who, ironically, introduced me to A. and i guess he wasnt really happy about it: A totally denied him and they didnt even get to be friends anymore. my boyfriend really got me through all these shits and led me to this calm stage now. well, while so, A began psycho-ing people to believe that my boyfriend's a jerk who stole his best friend's girlfriend, and in turn lead people to say what a bitch or slut i am. i am so sick of all these nonsense, since you have "someone you love" already, just stop being sore that your EX-best friend and EX-girlfriend are happy together. just feck off. thank you so darn much. i didnt mean the bad language, but oh well.

and i come to the part i dont get. when i heard that he has someone new, i was weirdly upset. i have no idea for what. is it for the fact that he gets to be all happy after he almost ruined my life? (fyi: i am fine and dainty. thanks to bee. and my besties! but i just dont really like that he's happy. yah, i am a selfish, spoilt brat. shrugs.)
or is it that i am sore that he broke the crap promises he made? (well, it would be nice to have people pining for you, no? haha.)
or is it that he found someone that i think doesnt made me look bad? (there's this study that girls rather their ex-es find new spouses that are better than them. so that they'll lose hands-down. in this case, so not! he found himself a twit. rolls eyes. oh well. true love's BLIND. i'll throw in DUMB, MUTE AND RETARDED.)

so, what jas told me was that this' a common thing among girls. the selfishness that is. oh well. i dont really get it, but whatever. he's out of my life for sure now. i had this whole msn spiting session with him. and believe me, i am at my calmest. i have my besties!
and him. love you, baby. <3

ta-ta.

xoxo.

turning 17 in just 7 days!